I have been praying for new revelations and a freshing joy to come. I feel like for a while I have been stuck for some reason. As if I don't know what I want or what to do. But then when I talk with my friends and share my dreams and visions, I am able to do that. I have those dreams and visions for my life, for my generation, for my church. Just some how I have forgotten those things. As if this cloud of darkness would be on the way so that I couldn't see those things clearly.
Living here, in a small city and church is not close by and when I go there I want something more than that. I know I am changer. I am revivalist and wherever I go I will change the atmosphere but I alone cannot change peoples 20-year-old attitudes and mindsets.
I guess what I am trying to say and even realize this day is that just being close with God and trusting Him with everything, is all I need to do.
And for some reason He has sent me here, to be in this place.
My cry has been so long to really grow into a great revivalist. I am shamed to admit that I don't behave like that always. Even this last weekend God brought these great opportunities to me to live like a revivalist. Pray for healings and see signs and wonders to happen. In my head I heard these words, pray for him, pray for him. What did I do. Nothing. I didn't ask him if I could pray for him and for the healing. I am so sorry. For some reason this something came on me and I couldn't do it. and I already felt awful after the moment.
My prayer for today is to have courage in situations like that. Even with Christian people.
When my friends from Bethel ask me what's going on among people and youth, I don't even know. I haven't been able to go to church that often. Biggest reason for that is that I am still looking for a place that I would burn to go and feel loved. I am so excited to see Bill Johnson to come to Finland and the team with him. I am just afraid to reveal to them that through me there hasn't been that many people that has the fire for more.
I know that during summer a lot of things happened and some people are going wild after God and are encouraged by what I have shared in my testimony. I know I am blaming myself but I am just expecting more from myself. I thing this is a place of growth in a lot of different areas.
Courage and power and more intimacy with God. That's the key.
I know that right now I am really hard on myself but seeing the fire on others and what God is doing in them, makes me want more and wondering why am I not there or even more.
Earlier this afternoon I was reading a blog by my friend and I was so amazed how she wrote things and shared her thoughts about God and her vision and dreams. That reminded me so clearly about how I have those dreams in myself too, I just need to wipe the dust off.
There's also a chance to go to St. Louis in September. Joyce Meyer's Women Conference is there. I felt that it might be the thing for me to go there. Maybe. Let's see what God is doing this spring and summer.
Dreams are big and just waiting to see them happening. Go after your dreams!
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